marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
