I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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