I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
