i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm having to shit out rocks
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
