dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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