the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
