plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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