Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize