Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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