Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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