The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
