We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
