the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
