You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
