you traded sex for a burrito?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
