Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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