i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
