So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
