Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize