I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
