Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize