uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just gargled with NyQuil
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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