Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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