Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
