i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
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OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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