i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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