At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
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put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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