nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
