rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
