um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
