I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Floor bacon is actually really good
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
