I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
