My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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