I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you would pick up someone in the library
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
