Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
