More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
