Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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