Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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