How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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