I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
