Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
