This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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