I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
