Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
