I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
