Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
