I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
