every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
