That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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