Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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