turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drunk is not a location!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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