hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
