Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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