How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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