your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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