pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
