You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
