Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
