We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
