The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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