i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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