either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
