My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
